The Weekend Bite™ Online September 2016

Hello friends,

As autumn kicks off and tree leaves begin to fall; it may be dull for a moment but remember that the old must be shed to give room for the new. What do you need to let go? What do you need to be doing? Our focus on The Weekend Bite™ this month is #makingadifference .

 

#Makingadifference signifies devoting your time and resources to influencing positive change and impact. It is something that should ideally be our focus; we should desire to make a positive impact on our environment and those we come in contact with each day.

Have you ever wondered why you are here? What's the essence of life itself? What's the whole point of waking up each morning? If you don't discover that reason that gives you ultimate satisfaction, then it may all seem like a waste or like there is no point to it all. There has to be more to life than fun and enjoyment. If you care to look at people who are in terrible situations of famine, lack, having disabilities, experiencing 
devastating loss; it will give you a sense of humility and make you sober.

Everyday there are people around us that need help in one way or another. For some, just a word of encouragement will do; for others, they need counsel in making decisions. Some will need financial assistance, while others may just need empowerment. Each of us is blessed with unique skills, talents or abilities that we can dedicate to making a difference. It all depends on how we channel and use them.

Even  in your career or business you can ensure your focus is making a positive impact and adding value, to your organisation, colleagues, clients and the general public. That's why I respect companies that take CSR very seriously. It's not just about making money but giving back to the development of the society, helping the less privileged by sponsoring scholarships and making donations for their development. You can be the richest man in the world but the poorest when it comes to the wealth of your impact. It's better to ensure you're living to make a difference  than for yourself alone; as we will be only remembered by the things we have done.

Start from what you have! What do you love to do? What problem or need can you identify in your environment? How can you channel your gifts to address these problems? How can you make things better for those around you? How can you help? How can you add value? How can you make a positive impact?

Do what you can do with what you have to impact all those you can. You will experience not just satisfaction but fulfillment, as well as the assurance that there is definitely a point to your life.

Catch the purpose bug and take the impact train; remain dedicated to #makingadifference always!

Cheers!

©LAW Afolabi, September 2016

THIS MARRIAGE THING ... Sade's story

Photo:madamenoire.com

As Sade prepared to attend her cousin's wedding, she attempted to fight off the growing anxiety about the possible questions from family members that awaited her. Every year since she graduated from the University, all she heard were these words which haunted her day and night:

 

'When are you getting married?'

'What are you waiting for?'

'You're not getting any younger, you know'

'All your mates are married!'

 

She often wondered whether her standards were too high. This was suggested by many of her relatives who tormented her with their unwanted show of concern. Her career accomplishments were not recognised by these relatives who pretended to have her best interests at heart.

The truth of the matter was that Sade had no problem with settling down. In fact, if she met the right man tomorrow, she would dash down the aisle, without hesitation. However, time was running out; she was tired of always being  a bridesmaid and never a bride. Most of her friends no longer had time to hang out because they were too busy with their new responsibilities. 'When will my time come Lord?' She often asked.

Sade managed to make it to the wedding, putting up a smile that said 'I'm doing well' to all those staring eyes projecting their usual questions. She avoided conversations; her plan was to get in and get out. That plan soon went under the bus, as her Aunty Bimbo found her hiding place. Her aunt was the most consistent 'pokenoser' in the family and always tormented Sade with her questions. She approached Sade with a smile and a hug and went straight to business. This time, she wore a different hat.

Photo:shutterstock.com

"Hmm! Sade thank God for your life o! Did you hear what happened to Rolake?"

Sade looked at her aunt, bewildered, but managed to mutter an answer "No ma".

 

She actually remembered her younger cousin, Rolake, who graduated top of her class in Engineering, from Covenant University. She had several job offers from top companies in Lagos and Abuja, but decided to move to the east with a lover she met during NYSC, right after their rushed wedding. Sade asked her why she was rushing the wedding with someone she barely knew, but she claimed they were soulmates and that she was sure. Sade found out 8 months later, when Rolake gave birth to a healthy baby girl, that her parents were responsible for the rushed wedding to cover the 'shame' of her having a child out of wedlock. She wondered how successful that was, everyone still figured it out!

"What happened Aunty?" Sade found the courage to ask
"Ha! She is intensive care o! After her so called husband beat her black and blue."
"Oh my God!" Sade screamed
"Her mother decided to travel to see her daughter, because she had not heard from her in a long time.
After getting to the house, she knocked and knocked but there was no answer, though she could hear the baby crying inside.  She alerted the neighbours and they finally broke into the house to find Rolake unconscious with her baby crying beside her. Her husband was nowhere to be found. She was immediately rushed to the hospital. Her injuries were so bad that she has been in intensive care since."
"Oh my goodness!...where are the children now?...Have they found the husband?... What will happen to her now?" Sade was so worried and affected by this devastating news; she probed further for more details.

Her aunt continued to describe the incident and findings since then. She reiterated that everyone had been praying for Rolake's recovery, hoping she would be able to testify of what really happened. Luckily, her husband was picked up by the police but denied ever beating her, claiming that he travelled out that morning.

 

'What would have happened if Rolake's mother never took that trip to check on her or if she didn't find her in time?' Sade asked herself as she tried to deal with the shock of this news. She had heard about domestic violence cases on the news but this one hit her right in the heart because it was someone she knew.

"Thank God for your life o" Aunty Bimbo continued "I remember comparing you to Rolake many times and telling you to lower your standards. It's better for you to be sure of whoever you finally settle down with. Please let him have the fear of God! I cannot attend any burial of any of my children or nieces o! It is not meant to be that way. God will send His best for you at the right time. Just keep your heart open to His leading. Build yourself up into a godly woman whom a godly man can find. God's time is the best, not ours. God's choice is the best, not ours."

Photo: eurweb.com

Sade gave her aunt a big hug. Her speech was so soothing and reassuring and all her worries seemed to fly away. She had never seen this side of her aunt but she cherished her kind words. Sade thought to herself  'I'd rather marry at age 35 or 40 to God's best for me and be fulfilled, than bow into societal pressures and marry the next man I find. Marriage is more important than that and mistakes can be prevented if only we are patient. Everything will work out for my good soon'.

She left the party with a renewed confidence and prayed for her cousin's recovery. She would have to find time to travel down and offer any help she can. 'God take control', she said as she closed her eyes to sleep.

© LAW Afolabi, August 2016

The Weekend Bite™ Online August 2016

 

Hello friends, we're still enjoying summer; it's brightness, colours and life. However, it is possible to be in the midst of brightness and remain dull; especially when your heart is heavy. What do you do when it seems your season of joy and brightness is being deferred? This one's called #Waitingformorning.

#Waitingformorning signifies holding on for the occurrence or fulfillment of an expectation or desire. When you experience a long, or dark night, with unfavourable conditions, it's common to long for morning to come with its promise of sunshine and brightness. The same is applicable in our daily lives. A dark night can be a long period of disappointments, rejection, unhappiness or failure. When things don't seem to work, no matter how hard you try, it can be quite discouraging. You may lose the will to keep trying and just settle for an alternative far from what you really want, or surrender to defeat where there's no alternative at all.

 

So what do you do when you feel this way? Discouraged, let down, disappointed or stuck in a long period of delay? 

 

One thing's for sure, giving up should not be in your vocabulary. You need to make up your mind not to give in or give up on life altogether. The truth of the matter is that no matter how long the night may be, there will surely be morning. That's why you need to encourage yourself and hold on for your morning to come. It's good to review your approach to see what needs to change and then restrategise; but don't give up or give in to failure. Your morning will surely come!

 

As you keep waiting for morning, just say to yourself: 'I am not a failure, I am not defeated, I am intelligent and important, I will succeed.' Speak positive words to keep negative thoughts out of your head. You may look crazy talking to yourself but sometimes saying these words out loud may have a more profound effect. Positive confessions help us hold on just long enough, until our new season is unlocked. Hopefully, your waiting won't be in vain and your breakthrough will come soon.

Don't give in to depression no matter what. Hold on tight for your morning is almost here!

 

Cheers!

©LAW Afolabi, August 2016

The Weekend Bite™ Online June/July 2016

 

 

Hello friends! Hope you're having a great summer

 

Summer brings a lot of warmth and sunshine; the perfect time to get out and do something. However, before we get busy in our environment, it's good to sit back, reflect and ensure that our values are in check. Yes, that's our focus this month on the Weekend Bite™ : #Values. 
 
#Values can be defined as the collection of ideals, beliefs, views and principles that guide our behavior and our daily lives. They define who we are, what we are about and the choices we make. 

Our values keep us in check through the machinery of our conscience. As humans, we are prone to temptations and tough situations. The path we decide to take will be influenced by the kind of values we have. When we miss it, our conscience should prick us and remind us of the need to fix things.

However, the road to staying true to our values might be quite bumpy. This is because we live in a world where it has become politically incorrect to express views that are contrary to popular opinion. This is irrespective of what the popular opinion is and whether it represents good or bad values.

Some have based their decisions on whims simply because of the influence of those around them. Others derive their values from people they know or respect.

Consider:
 

Should we allow our environment or people around us determine what our values are?

How then does an individual find his true self or ascertain what values are truly central to his existence?

Resolve:
 

You should know what exactly you stand for and believe in. What is your raison d'etre? This requires a soul search, meditation, finding out who you really are and having a goal to become better.

Once you are able to ascertain your values, it's important to stay true to them, irrespective of unpopularity, persecution or discouragement. Stay true to your values in your dealings, relationships, speech and actions. Let others be able to identify them in you and respect you for them.

With strong values and commitment, each of us has a greater opportunity to make a difference in the world. Let's make a change together, with the right values!

Cheers!

©LAW Afolabi, July 2016

The Weekend Bite™ Online May 2016

Hello friends! As we enjoy this beautiful spring weather, let's take a while to discuss about #mindoverbody - our focus on the Weekend Bite™ this month.

The mind and the body are two important parts of our beings that determine our decisions and actions. Many times we may find ourselves making decisions, based on our emotions or perhaps some physical gratification. However, the truth of the matter is that when the body is the main deciding factor for our decisions, most of such decisions may end up being regretted.

 

For example, the decision to cheat on your spouse to feed a physical desire or to get drunk to drown your problems will always backfire. You will either end up betraying the one you love and potentially damaging your relationship or with a hangover and a series of bad decisions.

Photo: kikicomin.com

If your mind tells you to do something NOW but your body feels to lazy to do so all the time, it's definitely a set up for failure. No one ever got anything done by being lazy or procrastinating, but by pushing themselves harder even when they don't feel like it.

We have to learn not to be controlled by our feelings. We may feel insecure, tired, or beat down, but we must be prepared to push ourselves with all we have, even when we feel we are unable. If we are able to convince our minds that we are able to do or achieve something, then sooner than later, our bodies will start to believe it.

If your mind says you are unable, then it's time to change your mind. And when you change your mind, your body will change too. Change your mind by speaking positive words about yourself, declaring you can do and become exactly what and who you aspire to be.

Keep your mind positive and you'll be on the right track to success! Let your motto be #mindoverbody always. 

All the best!

Cheers!

 
©LAW Afolabi, May 2016

The Weekend Bite™ Online April 2016

Hello friends. Yippee, spring is here! May this month be filled with goodness, brightness and greatness. Our focus on The Weekend Bite™ this month is #Validation

#Validation is the recognition of another person's feelings, position, abilities, attributes or point of view. It doesn't necessarily mean agreement but gives the recipient an opportunity to feel heard, understood, valued and important.

Validation helps nurture relationships. You cannot say you truly love someone if you never acknowledge their standpoint, views, feelings, strengths or good deeds. Where such validation is absent, one person may feel undervalued, underappreciated or misunderstood and that may slowly drive a union to its death.

People need positive feedback that what they say and believe in matters to those who love them. They want to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated and celebrated.

Listen to others, respect their feelings and view points, praise their strengths, encourage them to do better in areas of weakness.

Love them unconditionally. Use 'please', 'thank you', 'I'm sorry', 'well done', 'You are great' and more, for those you love. This will encourage them to keep going.

Don't choose to be the source of a person's discouragement, lack of self-confidence or distress. You cannot knowingly hurt those you love, you should be spurring them on. It is for this reason that it is important to make amends when you get it wrong. Your focus should be on adding value always.

Finally, take time to re-evaluate your words, actions and relationships. Get your thoughts together and start validating those you love the most. That's the secret to getting the best out of them and helping them to become all they are meant to be.

All the best!

Cheers!

©LAW Afolabi, April 2016

The Weekend Bite™ Online March 2016

Hello friends,

Welcome to the month of March. How's has the journey been so far? Let's keep marching with our eyes fixed on our goals; soon we shall experience success.

On The Weekend Bite™, we looked at something quite different. Here it is: this one's called #Egocentric .

An #Egocentric person is someone who thinks only of his/herself, without considering the feelings or desires of others. Everyone has an #ego which is a sense of self worth or self-importance, although the term is more associated with men who seem to have more of it than others.

The problem is when a person has an over-inflated ego or sense of self-importance, he is then #egocentric and self-centred.

For the success of any relationship, it's important for both parties to constantly have regard for each other's feelings. Where one party is only concerned with his/her feelings, perspective and concerns, the success of such relationship is at stake.

In our interactions with people everyday, we need to learn to look beyond ourselves and any demand for benefits for good deeds or anything we are requested to do. Our selflessness and humility in such situations is what will promote us, but being #egocentric will limit us.

Don't demand undue favours or rewards when asked to do something; especially if its something you love and which will make an impact. Of course, there is nothing wrong with profiting from our gifts, but let's not allow it limit us from making impact.

Don't disregard the feelings of others. Listen and apologise when someone is hurt by something you have said or done and live at peace with all. Don't be discouraged when someone, whose feelings you have consideration for, does the opposite to you. Don't base your actions or words on the attitudes of others.

Finally, make up your mind today not to be egocentric; it will help you have healthier relationships and this world will be a better place because of it!

Cheers!

©LAW Afolabi, March 2016.