THIS MARRIAGE THING ... Sade's story

Photo:madamenoire.com

As Sade prepared to attend her cousin's wedding, she attempted to fight off the growing anxiety about the possible questions from family members that awaited her. Every year since she graduated from the University, all she heard were these words which haunted her day and night:

 

'When are you getting married?'

'What are you waiting for?'

'You're not getting any younger, you know'

'All your mates are married!'

 

She often wondered whether her standards were too high. This was suggested by many of her relatives who tormented her with their unwanted show of concern. Her career accomplishments were not recognised by these relatives who pretended to have her best interests at heart.

The truth of the matter was that Sade had no problem with settling down. In fact, if she met the right man tomorrow, she would dash down the aisle, without hesitation. However, time was running out; she was tired of always being  a bridesmaid and never a bride. Most of her friends no longer had time to hang out because they were too busy with their new responsibilities. 'When will my time come Lord?' She often asked.

Sade managed to make it to the wedding, putting up a smile that said 'I'm doing well' to all those staring eyes projecting their usual questions. She avoided conversations; her plan was to get in and get out. That plan soon went under the bus, as her Aunty Bimbo found her hiding place. Her aunt was the most consistent 'pokenoser' in the family and always tormented Sade with her questions. She approached Sade with a smile and a hug and went straight to business. This time, she wore a different hat.

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"Hmm! Sade thank God for your life o! Did you hear what happened to Rolake?"

Sade looked at her aunt, bewildered, but managed to mutter an answer "No ma".

 

She actually remembered her younger cousin, Rolake, who graduated top of her class in Engineering, from Covenant University. She had several job offers from top companies in Lagos and Abuja, but decided to move to the east with a lover she met during NYSC, right after their rushed wedding. Sade asked her why she was rushing the wedding with someone she barely knew, but she claimed they were soulmates and that she was sure. Sade found out 8 months later, when Rolake gave birth to a healthy baby girl, that her parents were responsible for the rushed wedding to cover the 'shame' of her having a child out of wedlock. She wondered how successful that was, everyone still figured it out!

"What happened Aunty?" Sade found the courage to ask
"Ha! She is intensive care o! After her so called husband beat her black and blue."
"Oh my God!" Sade screamed
"Her mother decided to travel to see her daughter, because she had not heard from her in a long time.
After getting to the house, she knocked and knocked but there was no answer, though she could hear the baby crying inside.  She alerted the neighbours and they finally broke into the house to find Rolake unconscious with her baby crying beside her. Her husband was nowhere to be found. She was immediately rushed to the hospital. Her injuries were so bad that she has been in intensive care since."
"Oh my goodness!...where are the children now?...Have they found the husband?... What will happen to her now?" Sade was so worried and affected by this devastating news; she probed further for more details.

Her aunt continued to describe the incident and findings since then. She reiterated that everyone had been praying for Rolake's recovery, hoping she would be able to testify of what really happened. Luckily, her husband was picked up by the police but denied ever beating her, claiming that he travelled out that morning.

 

'What would have happened if Rolake's mother never took that trip to check on her or if she didn't find her in time?' Sade asked herself as she tried to deal with the shock of this news. She had heard about domestic violence cases on the news but this one hit her right in the heart because it was someone she knew.

"Thank God for your life o" Aunty Bimbo continued "I remember comparing you to Rolake many times and telling you to lower your standards. It's better for you to be sure of whoever you finally settle down with. Please let him have the fear of God! I cannot attend any burial of any of my children or nieces o! It is not meant to be that way. God will send His best for you at the right time. Just keep your heart open to His leading. Build yourself up into a godly woman whom a godly man can find. God's time is the best, not ours. God's choice is the best, not ours."

Photo: eurweb.com

Sade gave her aunt a big hug. Her speech was so soothing and reassuring and all her worries seemed to fly away. She had never seen this side of her aunt but she cherished her kind words. Sade thought to herself  'I'd rather marry at age 35 or 40 to God's best for me and be fulfilled, than bow into societal pressures and marry the next man I find. Marriage is more important than that and mistakes can be prevented if only we are patient. Everything will work out for my good soon'.

She left the party with a renewed confidence and prayed for her cousin's recovery. She would have to find time to travel down and offer any help she can. 'God take control', she said as she closed her eyes to sleep.

© LAW Afolabi, August 2016

The Weekend Bite™ Online August 2016

 

Hello friends, we're still enjoying summer; it's brightness, colours and life. However, it is possible to be in the midst of brightness and remain dull; especially when your heart is heavy. What do you do when it seems your season of joy and brightness is being deferred? This one's called #Waitingformorning.

#Waitingformorning signifies holding on for the occurrence or fulfillment of an expectation or desire. When you experience a long, or dark night, with unfavourable conditions, it's common to long for morning to come with its promise of sunshine and brightness. The same is applicable in our daily lives. A dark night can be a long period of disappointments, rejection, unhappiness or failure. When things don't seem to work, no matter how hard you try, it can be quite discouraging. You may lose the will to keep trying and just settle for an alternative far from what you really want, or surrender to defeat where there's no alternative at all.

 

So what do you do when you feel this way? Discouraged, let down, disappointed or stuck in a long period of delay? 

 

One thing's for sure, giving up should not be in your vocabulary. You need to make up your mind not to give in or give up on life altogether. The truth of the matter is that no matter how long the night may be, there will surely be morning. That's why you need to encourage yourself and hold on for your morning to come. It's good to review your approach to see what needs to change and then restrategise; but don't give up or give in to failure. Your morning will surely come!

 

As you keep waiting for morning, just say to yourself: 'I am not a failure, I am not defeated, I am intelligent and important, I will succeed.' Speak positive words to keep negative thoughts out of your head. You may look crazy talking to yourself but sometimes saying these words out loud may have a more profound effect. Positive confessions help us hold on just long enough, until our new season is unlocked. Hopefully, your waiting won't be in vain and your breakthrough will come soon.

Don't give in to depression no matter what. Hold on tight for your morning is almost here!

 

Cheers!

©LAW Afolabi, August 2016